In our extensive journey through clinical practice and research, spanning many decades (Rashidian et al., 2013, 2015, 2018), we’ve guided thousands of couples through their relational and sexual challenges. These challenges show up in various forms. Some of these include infidelity, addiction, pornography, bickering, sexual difficulties, differing outlooks on life, communication styles, time constraints, emotional intelligence, trust issues, and past traumas. Some of these stem from a lack of awareness and education. In contrast, others develop through negative experiences with others, sometimes dating back to childhood and the way they learned to connect with their caregivers emotionally.
Not every couple arrives ready to delve into the depths of intimate connection promised by transcendent sexuality. Often, we must first address the immediate concerns that brought them to therapy. As they gain insight into themselves and each other and develop a desire for deeper connection, we can then gradually introduce the concepts of transcendent sexuality.
We have learned that issues such as sexual desire disparities, compulsive behaviors, infidelity, addictions, trust issues, and communication breakdowns are frequently linked to an individual’s disconnection from their own sexual identity. Our sexual selves develop from birth and are intertwined with our perspectives on gender and the world around us. Baby boys have been observed with erections while still in utero, and girls have been recognized to have vaginal lubrication as early as three days old (Martinson, 1976). Yet, the breadth of our sexuality is often overlooked and/or misunderstood, leading to confusion, discord, frustration, and emotional pain, both individually and within partnerships.
To comprehend the depth and significance of our sexual selves, we can first turn to the World Health Organization’s (WHO) definition of sexuality. According to WHO (2006), sexuality encompasses various dimensions, including having sex, gender identities, sexual orientation, pleasure, intimacy, and reproduction, influenced by numerous factors. It is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviors, practices, roles, and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed.
While conventional therapy often focuses on biological, sociological, and psychological aspects, our view is to include our spirituality as a driver of our sexual-selves. This has heretofore been ignored and overlooked by most cultures, including our own. By exploring how the sum of these components converges to shape our sexual selves, couples can engage in profound dialogues, share personal beliefs, and engage in practices that foster deeper intimacy. This creates meaning that goes beyond physical pleasure and even beyond procreation.
Transcendent sexuality, as the fifth sexual drive within our Multidimensional Relational Psychotherapy Model (MDRT), invites couples on a transformative journey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening. It challenges societal norms, emphasizing inclusive intimacy that honors the sacredness of all beings.
In practice, transcendent sexuality involves conscious communication, mindfulness, meditation, tantra, and holistic massage. Practices such as tantric sex, originating from the Hindu tradition, emphasize deep connection even above physical pleasure.
Creating a sacred space, setting intentions, and prioritizing kindness and compassion facilitate a transcending connection that people rarely experience. Gratitude practices shift focus from problems to blessings, fostering positivity and appreciation.
Maintaining eye contact, synchronizing breath, and exploring sensory stimulation are some ways of deepening intimacy. Tantric massage techniques, such as Yoni and Lingam massages, awaken and circulate sexual energy throughout the body.
To summarize, effective couple counseling requires a tailored approach, addressing specific needs ranging from rebuilding trust to enhancing communication and intimacy. Transcendent sexuality offers a path to reclaiming passion and connection, inviting couples to explore the depths of their minds, bodies, and souls.
We invite you to explore the other dimensions of our MDRT model, guiding you on a journey of holistic healing and self-discovery.
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Contact us to learn more about our services and how we can support you on your journey toward greater emotional intimacy and fulfillment by exploring your sexual-self and unlocking the secrets of lasting connections.
References:
Rashidian, M., Minichiello, V., Hussain, R. (2015). Sexual Self-concept through a cross-cultural lens: Qualitative case studies of Iranian-American women. Advances in Social Sciences Research Journal. 2(10) 101-118. DOI: 10.14738/assrj.210.1539.
Mitra Rashidian, Rafat Hussain & Victor Minichiello (2013) ‘My culture haunts me no matter where I go’: Iranian-American women discussing sexual and acculturation experiences. Culture, Health & Sexuality: An International Journal for Research, Intervention and Care, 15:7, 866-877, DOI: 10.1080/13691058.2013.789128
Rashidian, M., Minichiello, V., Knutsen, S., & Ghamsary, M. (2018). Factors associated with the management of Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and sexual dysfunctions (SDs): A survey of Iranian-American physicians in California. Advances in Social Sciences Research Journal, 5(12) 233-255. DOI: 10.14738/assrj.512.5731
Martinson, F. M. (1976). Eroticism in Infancy and Childhood. The Journal of Sex Research, 12(4), 251–262. http://www.jstor.org/stable/3811331
World Health Organization’s (WHO) (2006). https://www.who.int/teams/sexual-and-reproductive-health-and-research/key-areas-of-work/sexual-health/defining-sexual-health. Retrieved on May 8, 2024, at 3:26 pm.
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